I get a lot of e-mails and calls from people whose relationships are not going well because of quarreling and disagreements. This is THE theme I want to address today. Why do people quarrel? We will address one of the reasons today:
Being Driven to Be Right
We all know the feeling we get when we are right about something. We feel better about ourselves, we are smart, we know what we are talking about, we are knowledgeable, we are in control, we won. Our self-esteem improves. We are "worth" more in our own eyes and hopefully in other people's eyes too. Being right often fuels our daily actions whether we notice it, or want to admit it. You may not even think that you are driven to be right. You may say simply: "But, I am RIGHT". Holding tight to it without willingness to let go is what I call being driven. If our life consists of the actions we take, conversations we have and relationships we are in, then our very lives may well be driven by the need to be right. Yes, the payoff for being right is certainly big. It often keeps us from those dreaded negative self-esteem feelings. It's a shot in the arm and a boost to our ego. We do get a lot out of it.
Unfortunately there is another side of the coin. There is no "free lunch". You cannot get something for nothing. This good feeling about being right HAS a cost; sometimes an enormous cost that we often aren't even aware of. Our very relationships with other people and the ones we love and want to be with the most are at stake.
When we feel that we are right about something and that we have to get the other person to see and adopt our point of view, we seem to be in the zone, like fish in the water. We are not aware of anything else but our urge to be right. We know "the truth". We know how it "IS". At the same time, at the fringes of our consciousness, we notice that we are going down the spiral of damaging our relationship, but are powerless
to do anything about it. The urge to be right is so overpowering.
How do we deal with it? Is there a way out of it?
I suggest the place TO start is developing self-awareness ABOUT your actions and by being ruthlessly honest with yourself. The following are some actions and points to keep in mind TO STOP the downward spiral syndrome:
•NOTICE HOW OFTEN YOU MAKE YOUR PARTNER WRONG.
• Consider that others have their own opinion and, although you may not agree with it, they still have a right to have it. It is important to acknowledge that your partner has a right to her/his own point of view. (At this point you may say: yes but it is wrong.) Give it up and observe what happens.
• Do not hold a grudge. You cannot change the past. But, you can create a new future.
• Develop listening skills. You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. Make sure that your partner knows that you fully heard what has just been said. Repeat your partner's words if necessary. (More on listening in future issues)
• TAKE 100% RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP, i.e what comes out of your mouth, how you interpret what you hear, etc.
•NOTICE that your partner's actions are ALWAYS in reaction to what you do. A new concept?! Uh? (A word of caution: do not make yourself wrong for everything now. If you do, it will turn out to be the same behavior AS being right .
• Be generous. Only big people who do not have to constantly prove themselves can afford to be generous. Strangely enough, it works the other way around as well: you become big by being generous. Allow your partner to be right. Acknowledge that she/he has a right to their opinion.
• Give up the right to be right.
Annie Besant is an author of Relationshipsaver, One of the best Relationship Saver. He is writing articles on www.relationshipsaver.com since long time.
Female domination have a look at few important facts
To be very honest, female domination is in most people's minds is a prerequisite for chastity in men, the argument being a man cannot surrender control of his orgasm without also surrendering his individual will and sovereignty as a person.. 
Read
Muslim wedding traditions in indonesia
Muslims around the world all live by and obey the same basic Islamic laws. Some Muslim traditions, however, are blended with national traditions varying from country to coountry, and often even within areas of a specific country. In Indonesia, for instance. Read
See how life can be beautiful
Our life is beautiful and we must take it positively. From childhood to old ages, we run after material pleasure oblivious of the fact that we also need to live our life and enjoy. It's a gift by the Almighty and we must take it seriously. Read
Experience the magic of a muslim wedding
It is always intriguing and fascinating to learn about different cultures and religions and the varying ways in which they do things. A traditional Muslim wedding is a special thing and if you are lucky enough to witness one then you are certainly in for a treat. In general Muslim weddings differ de. Read
Muslim marriage in france
Though Muslims are in a minority in France, there is no stopping them from practicing their religion to the core. All the Muslims based in France do follow their cultural traditions and religion like any other Muslim would do in another part of the world. In fact, Muslim couples get married in a way. Read
Patience and calmness can save your relationship
I get a lot of e-mails and calls from people whose relationships are not going well because of quarreling and disagreements. This is THE theme I want to address today. Why do people quarrel?. Read
